He Gave Me Up, Now He’s Crying

The third time Charles cheated on me, I broke down, grabbed a knife, and pressed it to my chest. "If I die today, the Moon Goddess will punish you. This is what you get for cheating!" That was what frightened him. The blade was silver. If it so much as touched my skin, the wound would never heal. My mother rushed over to wrestle the knife away from me. "Zoe, no matter what happens, don't hurt yourself!" "Leave me alone and let me die. He's out there chasing other women, so I'll die right in front of him!" In the struggle, the knife went straight into my mother's chest. She clutched at it, and blood soaked red through her clothes. She was barely breathing, and still she held on to my shirt. "Zoe, live a good life." After she died, Charles withdrew from everyone. He stayed with me every day, more attentive than he had been when we were dating. Every full moon, he prayed to the Moon Goddess for me. But I screamed like a madwoman every single day. "My mother isn't dead! I can feel that she's still alive!" Charles took me to a therapist, Dr. Merrick, who confirmed I had depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. The most immediate effect was that my wolf disappeared. All my senses dulled. But I never stopped believing she was alive, even though the sharp knife and all that blood kept telling me I had killed her myself. Slowly, I started to believe I really was sick. That changed the day I saw her at a jewelry counter in a department store. But no matter how hard I told myself my mother was dead, it didn't work. I even heard her voice. "Charles, did you get rid of that knife? Don't let Zoe find it, or she'll go after Vivian." "Threw it out ages ago. Zoe will never know it was a retractable prop and not silver at all. You're the one who has to stay hidden, Marlene. You can never show your face in public again." My mother shook her head, smiling. "What you and Vivian have moves me. I'm only doing the right thing." I stood frozen where I was. It was as if a pair of invis Chapter 1 "Charles, isn't this necklace beautiful? Sapphires, Vivian's favorite." At the counter, my mother turned the expensive necklace over in her hands, studying it from every angle. I was biting down on my own finger and couldn't feel it. Minutes earlier I had heard the whole scheme they had planned so long ago. Now there was nothing left in me but hatred and a despair with no bottom to it. "Vivian's only your foster daughter, Marlene, but you treat her so well." Charles handed over his card and had the necklace packed into an elegant box. The care he gave that necklace said everything about how he felt for the woman it was meant for. I didn't go over. I backed away one step at a time and felt along the wall until I was out of the store. The moment fresh air hit me my legs gave out, and I sat down on a stone bench by the curb. I watched his car come up out of the parking garage. In the passenger seat sat a woman in sunglasses and a face mask. It was my mother. To keep me from recognizing her, she had changed her hairstyle, dyed her hair, even changed the way she dressed. She had gone so far as to ignore the blood bond between us and join forces with Charles. She would rather drive me sick and mad than let me stop believing she was dead. All to protect the person who had wrecked my marriage. One of them faked her death and went into hiding, the other shared my bed and thought about someone else. My mate's loyalty to me was zero. My mother's love for me was zero too. And I had spent every day since living in guilt, because of their lies and their betrayal. Back home I went straight into the bathroom and lay down in a tub of cold water without taking off my clothes, trying to calm down. I stayed there until Charles came home. His face changed when he saw me soaked through. "Zoe, why are you drenched? It's freezing out. What if you catch a cold?" As he spoke he stripped the wet clothes off me, wrapped me tightly in a towel and held me against him so I could feel his warmth. Good acting. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would have gone on believing him forever. I looked at him, and then at the gift bag beside him. "What's that?" Charles kept toweling my hair, beaming as he put the gift bag in my hands. "I remembered you liked this brand. I was passing by, so I got you something." I was starting to admire how skilled he was at both acting and lying. His eyes were warm, and what came out of his mouth turned my blood cold. "That store isn't anywhere near your office or our pack. Did you make a special trip just to buy me jewelry?" The smile at the corner of his mouth froze for a second, and then he nodded. "That's right. You've been talking about it for ages. Open it and see if you like it." My voice was quiet, but perfectly steady. Inside was a bracelet so thin it was almost invisible, set with a few tiny sapphires. "Charles, this was a gift with purchase." The room went cold in an instant. Charles closed the box almost at once, as if that could cover something up. "This... Zoe, you know I don't know the first thing about jewelry. I had no idea it was a freebie." I held his gaze and had no intention of letting it go. "Do you have the receipt? Let me see it. Don't you know what you paid? If the sales associate cheated you, I'm going back there." "I lost the receipt!" He answered almost before I finished, then threw the bracelet box in the trash. Of course he didn't dare show me. One look and I would know he hadn't bought a bracelet at all, but a very expensive sapphire necklace. He had given me the freebie that came with Vivian's necklace and called it a present. I lowered my eyes and let it drop. "Fine, throw it out. I don't like sapphires, especially not tiny chips." I started for the bedroom. Charles followed me, his voice gentle with a thread of impatience under it. "Zoe, I just don't understand jewelry. I was careless. The way you're acting right now really hurts." I stopped and turned around. "Charles, what gives you the right to be hurt?" Chapter 2 "You bought the wrong thing. You lost the receipt. And I'm not even allowed to dislike it?" Charles came closer and stroked my hair. "Of course you are. If you wanted the stars, I'd pull them down for you. Come on, don't be angry, okay?" When he leaned in I caught the smell of perfume. It was the one my mother used to wear before she died. My head swam. My legs gave out under me and I went over backward. Charles caught me at once, carried me upstairs and laid me on the bed, his eyes full of worry. "Are you all right, Zoe? Are you feeling ill again?" I kept my eyes shut. My mind was blank and I didn't want to look at him. "Probably." I turned over and gave him my back. Even without seeing his face, I heard the small irritated click of his tongue. He went on rubbing my back anyway. "You should still see Dr. Merrick tomorrow." The next morning he wasn't there when I woke up. When I went downstairs, Charles was setting a cup of coffee on the dining table. He gave me an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Zoe. Something came up, a lunch I can't get out of, so I can't take you to Dr. Merrick. Have the housekeeper go with you. I made breakfast: your coffee, fried eggs, and croissants. Does that sound all right?" I touched the cup. Exactly the right temperature. He never missed a detail. "Fine." Maybe because I wasn't angry, he seemed thrown. "I'm not in that much of a hurry. I'll have breakfast with you before I go." So the two of us ate in silence, and then he kissed my cheek and left. I left the housekeeper behind, saying I wanted some air, and drove out of the pack alone, with a different destination in mind. Instead of going to Dr. Merrick's, I headed for the place I used to call home: Star Moon Pack. I drove up to the house I had grown up in. After my father, the Alpha, died, my mother had lived there by herself. After she faked her death, Charles never let me come back, and fear and guilt kept me from setting foot in the place. I went inside. Every piece of furniture stood exactly where it always had. A pair of cream-colored heels sat by the door. They weren't my mother's. They were Vivian's. As I went farther inside, I smelled seafood soup. I stopped in the kitchen doorway. Vivian was stirring the pot and humming to herself. When she turned to reach for something she saw me, and the spoon dropped straight out of her hand. "Zoe? What are you doing here?" She snatched the spoon up and wiped her hands nervously on her apron. "This is my house. Am I not supposed to come back?" The question stopped her for a beat, and then she gave me a demure smile. "Of course you are. It's just that you haven't been back since Mom died, so it surprised me." She turned off the burner and eagerly poured me a glass of water. "Charles said you haven't been well lately, so I didn't dare come see you, I—" "Call him your brother-in-law." I cut her off, my voice flat. "Vivian, we're not blood, and my mother never filed the adoption papers. But if you're going to call yourself my sister, then Charles is your brother-in-law." Vivian flushed, embarrassed, and then pouted as if she were the injured party. "Yes. I mean, my brother-in-law. I missed Mom, that's all, so I wanted to come back and see the house." As she spoke, a flash of blue at her throat caught my eye, and I knew exactly what I was looking at. It was the sapphire necklace my mother had told Charles to buy for Vivian at the store. "Nobody lives here anymore. You cooked a whole pot of seafood soup. Can you finish all that by yourself? Or maybe... it isn't just for you?" Vivian went white. She opened her mouth to explain, and then the front door opened. Charles walked in fast. When he saw me his steps stopped dead, and he swallowed hard. "Zoe, weren't you supposed to be at Dr. Merrick's? What are you doing all the way out here?" I looked at him. He had told me he had a lunch he couldn't move, that he couldn't take me to my appointment, and here he was. Seafood soup happened to be his favorite dish. Vivian hadn't come here because she missed my mother. This was the meeting place Marlene had arranged so the two of them could be together. Charles crossed the room and put himself in front of Vivian. A first reaction never lies. He cared more about her than about me. The thought hit and my chest hurt so much I couldn't breathe. "I thought you had a lunch. How did you end up here too?" I put weight on the word "too," and the panic in his eyes got worse. "The lunch is nearby. I stopped in on my way past." I laughed. "Charles, this is Star Moon Pack. Your lunch is in another Alpha's territory? And this is a residential area. There isn't a restaurant for miles." "Zoe." Before Charles could answer, Vivian peeked out from behind him. "Charles... He probably misses Mom too. He was just passing by and came to look in." Charles pressed his lips together and looked at Vivian with a flash of tenderness, as if I were bullying her. When his eyes came back to me there was blame in them. "That's enough, Zoe. Let's go." He came over and put an arm around my shoulders. I stepped back and pointed at Vivian. "Charles, that bracelet you gave me was a freebie. The real piece is around her neck." Chapter 3 Charles's hand froze in midair, and his eyelid twitched. He didn't quite dare turn and look at Vivian, because nobody knew better than he did how that necklace had ended up around her neck. "So you gave her the real jewelry and handed me the throwaway freebie as a gift?" Before Charles could answer, Vivian's eyes reddened. "Zoe, what jewelry, what freebie... I don't know anything about it..." And then she started to cry, as though she were the one who had been wronged. That got to Charles, and the look he gave me was all reproach. "Zoe, I bought the wrong bracelet. It has nothing to do with Vivian. Don't frighten her. Your mother probably gave her that necklace. There are plenty of necklaces like it, and you know how much your mother loved Vivian." Yes, I knew. My mother loved her. Charles loved her. Everyone loved her. I was the one nobody needed. "Really? My mother left me nothing before she died, and I'm her own daughter, but she gave it to her foster daughter?" Charles's face went completely cold. "Even if she left you nothing and gave it all to Vivian, there'd be nothing wrong with that. Zoe, she died at your hands. What else do you want?" A sharp pain went through my heart. His words were wolfsbane, colorless and odorless, eating into me, spreading through my blood, making death look easier than living. He had done it on purpose. He was telling me that my mother had died because of me, and that I had no right to anything of hers. I stood there with nothing to say. My head spun, my ears rang, and the numbness climbed from the soles of my feet through the rest of me. Then the hallucination came again. My mother lay in front of me covered in blood, one bloody hand pointing at me. "Zoe... you killed me... why did you kill me?" "No!" I screamed like something out of my mind, wrapped both arms around my head and crouched on the floor with my eyes shut, shaking my head as hard as I could. I knew none of it was real and I still couldn't stop. Charles saw something was wrong and rushed to my side. "Zoe? Zoe, what's happening?" "Charles, I think Zoe's having another episode." I still didn't dare open my eyes, but the voice cursing me was fading out. Charles didn't hesitate for a second. He scooped me up and ran for the door without so much as a glance back at Vivian, calling only, "Zoe's sick. I have to go!" He drove fast, turning his head to look at me every few seconds. "Zoe? Are you all right? Hold on. We're going back to the pack to see Dr. Merrick." We had barely reached the pack when Charles stepped out to take a call. "Zoe, it's about that lunch. They're looking for me because I'm not there. Go see Dr. Merrick without me." I nodded, but I didn't go into the office. I followed him and watched him stop around the corner. "Baby, I'm sorry about today. I didn't ignore you on purpose. Zoe's ill. She can't handle any stress, and you know that. Of course I care about you more than her. As soon as she's stable, I'll come to you. The necklace was always for you. Anything you want is yours." I was standing less than a yard away from him, listening to him say he cared about Vivian more than me, listening to him promise her anything she wanted. I didn't want to hear the rest. I was sick, not stupid. Charles didn't love me, and I could finally see that clearly. I stood alone in the hallway for a long time before he finished the call and came back. The moment he saw me, he arranged his face into concern. "What did Dr. Merrick say?" "The same. No improvement." His brow drew together so slightly it was almost invisible, but his voice stayed warm. "Don't worry. It'll get better eventually." He put an arm around my shoulders and suggested we go shopping. "Getting out will do you good." I didn't refuse. He took me to the biggest department store in the city. As though he were paying off a debt, he bought me several pieces from almost every department without blinking at the price. I watched him quietly the whole time as he performed the role of the devoted husband. When he had bought enough, he turned to me, all smiles. "Well? Feeling any better?" I nodded to humor him, the same way he had been humoring me. With me apparently in a better mood, he started apologizing. "I'm sorry, Zoe. A couple of packs have been making trouble lately, and there's a corporate spy in my company. I have to go back and deal with it, so I can't be with you all the time. Don't be angry with me, okay?" I knew exactly what this was: another excuse to see Vivian. "Charles, what if I don't want you to go?" He smoothed a hand over my hair. "Be good, Zoe. I'm doing all of this so we can have a more secure, happier life together." There was nothing left to say, and I certainly didn't want to look into those lying eyes. "Fine. Go do what you need to do." Chapter 4 That evening Charles dropped me at home and left, but not before making me a cup of coffee. But I had seen him slip sleeping pills into it. Only after I pretended to take a sip did he leave, apparently satisfied. Once he was gone I spat the coffee out, took the plainest car in the garage and followed him. Exactly as I expected, he did no work at all. He drove out to an estate on the edge of town. I followed at a distance, and the closer we got to his destination, the stronger my unease became. I couldn't shake the sense that this was not simply a date with Vivian. There had to be someone else waiting there. I watched Vivian come running out of the house and throw herself into his arms, and I watched the two of them kiss like nothing else existed. Charles walked her inside with his arm around her, and through the huge floor-to-ceiling windows I could see everything. The place was furnished more finely, more lavishly, than the house I shared with him. Under the crystal chandelier stood a table covered with food, candles and red wine. Vivian took his suit jacket as he shrugged it off, practiced at it, and helped him into loungewear. The two of them moved around each other like an ordinary married couple. Then someone came out of the kitchen. Something tugged hard at my heart, and I took an involuntary step forward. My mother, the woman I believed I had killed with a single stab, walked out carrying a roast chicken. Smiling, she set it down in front of Vivian and pressed her cheek fondly to Vivian's. Charles spread a napkin for her, carved the meat with a knife and fork and arranged it on her plate. Then he raised his glass, and all three of them clinked glasses, beaming. That warm little picture made my eyes ache. This was probably a family dinner they held on a regular schedule. After all, a dead woman and the other woman both had to stay out of the light. It was the dead of winter and I stood alone against the wall. The wind cut to the bone, and it was nothing next to what the three of them were doing to me. My mind gave way beneath the emotion, and my mother appeared in front of me again, covered in blood. "Zoe, you killed me... Come die with me. Let Vivian and Charles be together forever." As she spoke, she shifted into an enormous wolf and roared at me. I shook my head and screamed. "I didn't, I didn't!" The more I screamed, the worse the noise in my head became. I started running, desperate to get away. I hadn't gotten far when Vivian was in front of me, claws stretched out for my face. "Zoe... once your face is ruined Charles won't want you anymore, and then he'll stay right where he belongs, with me..." "Aaaah!" I screamed and ran harder, trying to outrun all of it. The mountain road was narrow to begin with. My foot came down on empty air, and I went straight over the edge. In the second before I fell, I thought I heard Charles calling my name. Urgent. Frightened. But my mother and Vivian were still all I could see. What I saw and what I heard belonged to different realities. "Zoe!" "Haaa..." My eyes flew open, and I gulped air as if I were surfacing from a nightmare. "Zoe?" Charles was watching me, his face white and his eyes bloodshot. "Thank God you're finally awake!" He was still in his loungewear, his slippers still on his feet. He gripped my hand and held it to his lips. A sleepless night had left deep shadows beneath his eyes. "What were you doing out there alone, so far from home? You fell off a mountain. You scared me half to death!" The worry and the love in his eyes didn't look fake. Neither did the tears about to spill over. And still he felt like a stranger to me. However much devotion he showed, something in me insisted I was not supposed to know him. I frowned and leaned away, putting a little space between us. "Who are you?" Charles remained frozen, still gripping my hand.