第1章
On the day of the crash, Evan's first instinct was to pull my sister out of the car — my older sister, who had barely a scratch on her.
I was trapped inside the crumpled wreck. It wasn't until men from the family arrived that they lifted me out of a pool of blood.
I miscarried. The doctors said I would never be able to get pregnant again.
I had also suffered irreversible brain damage. I was left with the mind of a three-year-old.
When I woke up, I didn't recognize Evan or the woman he held protectively in his arms.
Everyone in the family said it was just an accident.
Evan stayed by my bed every day, changing my dressings, feeding me, and teaching me who people were as though I were a child.
He cried as he held me, promising over and over that he would never leave me again.
Clutching my stuffed animal, I whispered, "Are you my daddy?"
His eyes were red. "I'm your husband."
But whenever my sister called, he stepped out of the hospital room to answer.
Then I saw the message he'd sent her on his phone:
[As long as she never remembers, we can be together forever.]
Later, my sister had his baby.
She said, "Can the three of us take a family trip to an island for a few days?"
Evan glanced at me as I sat on the rug building with my blocks.
"All right."
He crouched in front of me. "If you're hungry, get something from the fridge. If you're thirsty, drink some water. I'll be back to keep you company soon."
They shut the door and left me there alone.
But after I accidentally struck the rocks, I could think clearly again.
My face set, I called Don Eisen.
"Come get me. Don't let Evan find out."
***
Vivian stood in the doorway with her one-year-old son in her arms and gently urged Evan to hurry.
"Evan, the car's here."
"Coming."
Evan looked back at me.
I was sitting on the rug, trying to fit a yellow block onto the top of my castle.
He came over and crouched in front of me.
"Nora, open the fridge if you're hungry. Drink some water if you're thirsty. Your food's in there, understand?"
I nodded.
"Open the fridge if I'm hungry. Drink water if I'm thirsty."
"Good girl."
He stroked my head.
"We'll be back soon. I'll bring you your favorite strawberry cake."
I caught his sleeve.
"Where's Martha?"
That morning, Vivian had told Martha and the other servants to pack their things and leave.
Martha had kept looking back at me as she went.
"She's busy for the next few days," Evan said.
"Then who'll stay with me?"
Vivian came closer with the baby.
"Nora, Evan can't spend all his time looking after you."
I kept hold of his sleeve.
Evan peeled my fingers away one by one and put my hand back on the blocks.
"There are men on guard outside. You're safe."
The man at the door asked quietly, "Don, should the men staying behind come inside to look after your wife?"
"No. Guard the gate. No one comes in without my permission, and don't let her wander out."
"Understood."
Vivian reached up to straighten Evan's collar.
The baby caught his tie and giggled.
Evan didn't get angry. He bent down and kissed the baby's forehead.
I held my blocks and waited for him to kiss me, too.
But he had already turned away.
Before leaving, he casually pressed the Away button on the panel by the door.
Click.
The living room lights went out. The television went black.
Only the refrigerator in the kitchen was still lit.
I stared at the closed door, then quickly called Evan.
"Evan, the lights won't come on.",I said softly.
On the other end, Vivian said,
"Here she goes again."
"It's true."
The baby suddenly started crying.
Vivian soothed him, sounding exasperated.
"Evan, how much longer are you going to keep looking after her like this? The second we leave, she has a problem."
I tightened my grip on the block.
"I'm not. I…"
"Nora."
Evan's voice hardened.
"We're only going away for a few days. Stop making a fuss."
"How long is a few days?"
"We'll be back soon."
"Today?"
Vivian said nothing else, but I heard a faint laugh over the phone.
Evan didn't answer, either.
I asked again.
"What about tomorrow?"
He sighed.
"Can you stop asking?"
In the background, someone quietly said, "Don, we're ready to leave."
A car door shut.
When Evan spoke again, his tone was harsher.
"Keep this up, and you won't be living here anymore."
The block dropped into my lap.
"Don't you want me anymore?"
Vivian leaned toward the phone.
"Stop explaining yourself. She just doesn't want you to leave."
Evan paused for a few seconds.
"Nora, be good."
"Then I'll wait for you at home," I said.
"Okay."
The call ended.
The house fell completely silent.
I sat on the rug, staring at the door as the sound of the cars faded into the distance.
After a long time, I picked up my phone again.
This time, Evan answered right away.
"What is it now?"
"Evan, there's no power. I'm scared."
"I know. You're going to tell me the lights are broken again."
"They're not broken. The fridge is still lit, but nothing else is."
There was a pause.
"The refrigerator's on a separate circuit," he said. "There's food in it."
"But I want the lights on."
Vivian's voice came through.
"She just wants you to come back. Give in now, and how will we ever go anywhere?"
"Nora."
Evan sounded impatient.
"I just left, and you've already called twice. Can't you spend a little time on your own?"
I picked at the little studs on the block.
"But they really won't turn on."
"Call me about something like this again, and I'll send you back to the care facility."
I sat up straight.
"I don't want to go there."
"I just want the lights on."
"Then leave them off."
"Evan…"
"I said stop making a fuss."
He hung up.
I sat in the dark, holding my phone.
After a while, I told myself,
"Nora won't make a fuss."
Outside, the sun was bright.
Inside, there was only a sliver of faint light from the refrigerator door.
第2章
By noon, my stomach kept growling.
I opened the fridge.
Inside were containers of chicken pasta, milk, fruit, and little cakes Evan had bought in advance.
I took out a container of pasta and put it in the microwave, just as Evan had taught me.
I pressed the red button.
Nothing happened.
I called Evan.
"Evan, the button that warms my food is broken."
Beside him, Vivian said,
"She's making excuses again."
Evan sighed.
"You don't have to heat it. Just eat it."
"But the pasta's cold."
"You can eat it cold."
"I want it warm."
"Nora, you're not a little girl anymore."
I looked down at the ring on my finger.
I knew that.
Evan had said wearing it made me his wife, and I had to do as he said.
I opened the container and picked up a little pasta with my fork.
The sauce had congealed, and the pasta was stuck together in a lump.
I took two bites. Then a red kite suddenly floated past the window.
Its long tail swept across the glass like a pretty little bird.
I immediately put down my fork and pressed up against the window.
I ran into the kitchen after it, then back into the living room.
But I forgot the refrigerator door was still open.
I watched for a long time, until the sea breeze carried the kite behind the eaves.
When I turned around, I'd forgotten what I'd been about to do.
The refrigerator kept humming quietly.
I thought that meant it was still working, so I left it alone.
That evening, I took out a small carton of milk. It no longer felt cold.
I pushed the straw in and took a big drink.
A sour taste flooded my mouth.
I scrunched up my face and spat the milk into the trash.
"It's gone bad."
I dialed Evan's number.
The phone rang for a long time before Evan answered.
There was laughter and noise on his end.
"Nora, what is it now?"
"The milk's gone bad."
"How could it have gone bad?"
"It tastes sour."
Vivian laughed.
"We've only been gone half a day, and she's already making things up."
"I'm not."
"Evan, don't go back. She knows saying that will make you feel sorry for her."
"I'm not making it up."
Vivian took the phone.
"Nora, stop it. You can't have children, so I gave Evan an heir in your place."
"You can't take care of them. That's why I'm here."
"We're doing all this for your own good."
But if it was for my own good, why hadn't they brought me?
Evan sounded exasperated.
"Nora, can't you be reasonable?"
"We hardly ever get a few days away with the baby. Do you have to act up now?"
"I'm hungry."
"There's food in the fridge."
"But the pasta's cold."
"Then eat it cold."
"Evan, I'm scared."
The other end went quiet for a few seconds.
I waited for him to comfort me the way he used to.
But all he said was,
"If you're scared, go to sleep."
"When are you coming back?"
"In a few days."
The man in the black suit was still outside the iron gate.
"Can I ask the men outside to take me to you?"
Evan's voice sharpened.
"No."
I shrank back in fear.
"Why?"
"Stay in the house. Don't go outside. I'm trying to protect you."
"But I miss you."
"Nora, don't make me say it again. If you dare go out on your own, don't expect me to come get you."
I didn't dare look at the door anymore.
Vivian urged him softly,
"Evan, hang up. It's the baby's bedtime."
"Did you hear that? Don't call again."
The line went dead again.
I sat on the floor, hugging my knees.
That night, I dreamed Evan came home carrying a big red kite.
Vivian stood beside him, holding the baby's hand.
"Nora, look how high the kite is flying."
I reached for it.
But he put the spool in the baby's hand.
I followed them.
They walked farther and farther away, and the kite flew higher and higher.
I couldn't catch up.
第3章
The next morning, the pain in my stomach woke me.
A light rain fell outside. The sea was gray and hazy.
The lights were off, and my phone had only thirty percent battery left.
I crawled to the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator door.
A nasty, sour smell hit me.
Yesterday's leftover chicken pasta was still inside, its surface dried into a crust.
The milk wasn't cold anymore. A sour smell came from the opening of the carton.
I covered my nose, gagged, and fell back onto the floor.
I didn't know what was still safe to eat.
Evan used to sort through the food for me.
But he wasn't there.
There were no crackers in the cupboard and no bread on the table.
I found a bag of candy, tore it open, and put a piece in my mouth.
It melted quickly, but my stomach was still empty.
I called Evan.
He answered right away.
"Nora, why are you calling so early?"
I could hear the sea breeze and the baby laughing.
In the distance, a man said quietly, "Don, the captain says we can leave whenever you're ready."
"Wait a minute," Evan said.
I quickly spoke up.
"Evan, the food's gone bad."
"Did you grab the wrong container?"
"No. It smells bad."
"Isn't the refrigerator working fine?"
"It's not cold inside anymore."
He was silent for a moment.
"Are you trying to make me come back again?"
"I'm hungry."
Vivian took the phone.
"Nora, you're being incredibly selfish."
I froze.
"How am I being selfish?"
"The three of us hardly ever get a few days away as a family, and you call morning, noon, and night. Will you only be happy when you've dragged Evan home?"
"You're not a family of three."
The words surprised even me.
The other end went silent except for Vivian's breathing, which had grown heavier.
"Nora."
Evan said my name.
For the first time, I didn't apologize right away.
"I'm your wife."
I touched the ring on my finger.
"You told me so."
Vivian spoke softly.
"But you can't even take care of yourself now."
"I can."
"Then why can't you even heat up your own pasta?"
I opened my mouth.
Nothing came out.
Evan finally spoke.
"Vivian, enough."
Then he said to me,
"Find something else to eat. Stop calling."
"There isn't anything."
"Then have some water."
"There's no water, either."
"How could there be no water?"
"Nothing comes out of the faucet."
I heard a chair scrape on the other end.
"Try the faucet at the far end of the kitchen."
Evan's voice had tightened a little.
"I did."
"Try again."
I turned on the faucet and held my hand under it.
"There's no water."
Beside him, Vivian said,
"Everything was fine yesterday. How does it all break the moment we leave?"
"There really isn't any."
"Evan, she knows you'll come home if she says she has nothing to eat or drink."
I pressed the phone against my ear.
"I'm not lying."
I looked at the man guarding the iron gate.
"Can I ask the men outside to bring me water?"
Evan's voice hardened.
"Are you trying to sneak out again?"
"No!"
"Nora."
"There has to be water in the house. You can't run to someone every time something happens. What would you do if I weren't around?"
My fingers slowly loosened.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm just trying to teach you to be a little more independent. Besides, everything you need is in the house."
"Don't you want me anymore?"
Vivian said softly,
"See? There it is again. She says that every time you try to leave."
Evan was quiet for a moment.
"Don't call again, Nora."
"But I'm hungry."
"Wait until we get back."
"When?"
"Two more days."
On the other end, the baby laughed and said,
"Daddy."
Then the call ended.
I sat quietly beside the cupboard.
By noon, I was so thirsty I couldn't stand it. Then I remembered there was still water in the toilet.
I took a spoon and drank it, one spoonful at a time.
I suddenly remembered how Evan had taught me who everyone was, day after day.
"This is me, your husband."
"This is Vivian, your sister."
"This is your home. You're safe here."
I remembered all of that.
The only thing I couldn't remember was why he always left when I was most afraid.
My stomach hurt more and more.
I braced myself against the wall and tried to reach my phone on the table.
Two steps later, my legs gave out.
I fell to the floor and hit my head against the wall. For a brief moment, my mind cleared.
Through the haze, I remembered being trapped in the crushed car, my chest hurting so badly I couldn't breathe, forced to watch Evan drag my sister away.
I shook my head, but it was all gone again.
My watch struck the tile, and the screen lit up.
Evan's picture was on it.
I pressed the call button.
No answer.
I pressed it again.
Still no answer.
I curled up against the wall, holding my stomach, trying to tell myself,
"Evan will come back."
"He'll be back tomorrow."