Never In The Picture

The night I gave birth, the entire hospital lost power. Soon after delivery, I started bleeding heavily. The backup power could only keep two operating rooms running. My mom, Marsha Gibson, was the head of obstetrics. A nurse asked if I needed emergency surgery right away. Mom glanced at Natalie Graham, my adoptive sister, in the next bed. Then she shook her head. "Help Natalie first. She's already sensitive about being adopted. What will people think if I put my own daughter first at a time like this?" I lay on the gurney, listening to my blood drip onto the floor. When my husband, Elijah Colton, arrived, I thought someone would finally help me. He was an anesthesiologist, after all. Then Natalie clutched her chest and said she couldn't breathe. Elijah hesitated for a second, then let go of my hand. "Your parents are here. Someone will take care of you," he said. "Natalie doesn't have that kind of support. If I put you first again, people will think our whole family treats her like an outsider." Finally, my dad, Ian Graham, arrived. He was the hospital director. The nurse showed him my blood pressure readings and begged him to open another operating room. Dad glanced at the reporters in the hallway, then gave Natalie the last available spot for emergency treatment. "When we brought Natalie home, we promised she would never be treated unfairly for not being our biological daughter. Winona, you'll have to wait a little longer." To avoid any suspicion of favoritism, they all assumed I'd be fine waiting a little longer because I had family at the hospital. However, none of them knew my C-section incision had torn open. Blood was already pouring into my abdominal cavity. Chapter 1 The postpartum nurse, Biance Goode, replaced my third soaked maternity pad. Her expression grew more worried with each change. "Dr. Gibson, Ms. Winona's losing far too much blood, and her blood pressure keeps dropping. The patient in Bed Six has normal oxygen levels. Can we check on Ms. Winona first?" My mom, Marsha Gibson, was examining my adoptive sister with a stethoscope. Natalie Graham had given birth two hours before me. Her baby had been born prematurely and was now in the neonatal unit. She had been doing fine until the power went out, then she suddenly developed chest tightness and palpitations. When Natalie heard Bianca's concerns, she pushed herself up in bed. "Mom, go check on Winona. I'm fine. The nurse just said my oxygen levels were normal." Mom shot her a look and pulled her blanket up. "You've always been like this. You say you're fine no matter how you're feeling. You gave up your room and new clothes when you were little. Now you're even giving up medical care?" Natalie was so worried her eyes welled up with tears. "But Winona just gave birth, and she won't stop bleeding." "I'm keeping an eye on her." With that, Mom finally came over to my bed and pressed a hand against my abdomen. The moment she pressed down, my whole body tensed in pain. "Does it hurt that much?" Mom asked. I nodded and grabbed her wrist. "It's not the incision. The pain is deeper inside." Mom frowned. Suddenly, someone called to her from the hallway. "Dr. Gibson, the reporters want to know how the hospital is deciding which patients get priority when both your daughters are here." Mom hesitated, then quickly pulled her hand away. Eventually, she said, "Postpartum contractions can hurt, too. Winona, lie still for now. I'll examine you once the power comes back." Less than ten minutes after she left, my husband, Elijah Colton, arrived with the only portable monitor left on the floor. Bianca immediately waved him over. "You're just in time, doctor. Hook her up. She needs constant monitoring." Elijah had already uncoiled the cables when Natalie suddenly gagged twice. He turned around and asked, "What's wrong with Natalie?" "She still feels tightness in her chest, and she just said she felt a little nauseous, too." Elijah fell silent for a moment, then wheeled the monitor away. Bianca grabbed the handle. "Ms. Natalie's readings are stable. Ms. Winona's blood pressure is barely registering." "I know," Elijah said quietly, "but every camera out there is rolling. I'm an anesthesiologist here. How am I supposed to explain it tomorrow if I give the only monitor to my wife first?" He turned to me, his tone softening. "Honey, just a little longer. Marsha is right here. She won't let anything happen to you." I let go of the bed rail. I really thought I would only have to wait a little longer. That was until the first transfer list arrived. There were three spots, and my name was second on the list. My dad, Ian Graham, glanced at the list. He crossed out my name and wrote in Natalie's name instead. Bianca couldn't stay silent. "Dr. Graham, Ms. Natalie's vital signs are stable. Ms. Winona needs help more urgently." But Dad turned toward a nearby camera broadcasting live. "If my biological daughter gets transferred first while my adopted daughter is left behind in a hospital without power, do you know what people will say?" He signed the form again, then turned and patted my shoulder. "Winona, you've always been understanding. Let Natalie go first again today." As the transport team wheeled Natalie past my bed, Natalie kept turning to look at me. "Dad, I really don't need to go. Transfer Winona instead!" No one listened to her. I stared at my name, crossed out in black ink. Suddenly, a sharp spasm tore through my abdomen. This time, the pain was so intense I couldn't even straighten my back. Chapter 2 Around one a.m., my blood pressure had dropped to 76 over 48. Bianca stared at the readings for a moment, then wheeled a chair right up to my bed. "Come on. If we make you wait any longer, you could die." When she helped me up, black spots were already dancing before my eyes. We had barely left the maternity ward when Mom came hurrying toward us from the other end of the hall. "Where are you going?" Mom asked. "I'm taking her for blood tests and a bedside ultrasound," Bianca replied. Mom's expression darkened when she saw the word "urgent" on the request form. "Who approved this?" Bianca was stunned by her question. "Her blood pressure is low enough to put her in shock. Who else needs to approve this?" "Other patients don't, but Winona does." Mom took the form from Bianca. "Everyone knows she's my daughter. If I personally approve an urgent request for her now, all my efforts to avoid showing favoritism will have been for nothing." Bianca stared at her in disbelief. "Dr. Gibson, any other mother with blood pressure this low would already be in the resuscitation room. Are you saying Ms. Winona can't go just because she's your daughter?" Mom pressed her lips together and said nothing. I tugged at her sleeve. "Mom, I'm in so much pain." She looked down at me, and for a moment, I saw a hint of concern in her eyes. But in the end, she only crouched down and stroked my cheek. "Winona, it's not that I don't care about you, but Natalie grew up without her birth parents. Her biggest fear is that we'd claim to treat you both equally, only to favor our own biological child when it really matters. You're different from her. You know your dad and I will always love you." I had heard those words all my life, and they used to make me feel safe. This time, as I stared at the request form in her hand with the urgent status scratched out, I wondered for the first time if being loved forever was really a good thing. The test results came back half an hour later. My hemoglobin had dropped dangerously low. To make matters worse, the blood bank's refrigeration system had failed. They could only provide two units of emergency red blood cells. Bianca grabbed the results and rushed over. "Prepare the blood for Ms. Winona Graham first. She's still bleeding!" The blood had barely reached the doorway when the nurses brought Natalie back. She had been halfway through her transfer when something happened with her baby. She had refused to leave, so they brought her back. When she heard about the blood transfusion, Natalie immediately shook her head. "Give it to Winona. I don't need it. I'm just anemic. The doctors said I'm fine." As she spoke, she even tried to push the blood bags toward me. Mom stopped her. "Look at you, doing this again." Natalie froze. Mom's eyes were filled with tears. "From the day you joined our family, you've given everything to Winona. Natalie, you don't have to be so careful around us. We didn't take you in so you'd have to worry about pleasing everyone." "But Winona's blood count…" "Winona still needs more tests," Dad said. He had arrived at some point, too. He glanced at the test results and told the nurses to take the blood to Natalie instead. Bianca slapped the paperwork down on the table in a fit of rage. "Ms. Winona's blood pressure is in the 70s! What more do you need to check?" Dad's expression darkened. "We can't bend the rules for family. Natalie's records show she has anemia, and she clearly needs a blood transfusion. Let's go by the facts." I watched helplessly as both bags of blood were wheeled away. Elijah came out of the operating room just then. When he saw me staring after the blood bags, he crouched beside me and held my hand. "Don't hold it against Natalie. She doesn't even want the blood herself." It took me a while to process what he had said. "I'm not holding it against her." "Good." Elijah let out a sigh of relief. "Natalie's already feeling sensitive today. If Ian and Marsha gave you the blood first, she'll say she's fine, but it'll still hurt her." I looked at him. "But I need the blood, too." Elijah froze for a second, but soon smiled and patted my head. "I know. I'll personally make sure you get your share when the next batch arrives. You won't be short by even one bag." Bianca heard every word. Then she suddenly asked him, "Dr. Colton, let me ask you something. Imagine the woman lying here isn't your wife but a patient you've never met. With her blood pressure at 76 and hemoglobin this low, would you dare make her wait?" Elijah's smile slowly faded away. For a long time, he said nothing. Chapter 3 Just before dawn, I passed out in my wheelchair. When I came to, Bianca was slapping my cheeks to wake me. "Ms. Winona, open your eyes. Look at me. Don't fall asleep!" While Mom wasn't looking, Bianca went to get the doctor on duty. He checked my pulse and took one look at my face before ordering someone to bring over the bedside ultrasound machine. Before the machine could arrive, Dad showed up. Two hospital administrators on duty followed him. "Who ordered this scan?" Dad asked. The doctor on duty explained, "The patient briefly lost consciousness. I strongly suspect hemorrhagic shock. We need to find the source of the bleeding right away." Dad looked over the request form. Instead of finding out more about my condition, he asked, "Did just one doctor sign off on this?" "One doctor's approval is enough in an emergency." "That may be enough for other patients, but not for her." Dad took out his pen and added a line to the form. "Any special treatment for a hospital director's family must be approved by two people. That way, no one can accuse us of bending the rules for each other." Bianca stared at the new rule, and her hands shook with anger. "So one doctor's warning is enough to save someone else, but because Ms. Winona is your daughter, you need two doctors to agree she's dying before you'll help her?" Dad frowned. "Don't twist my words." "That's not what I'm doing!" Bianca argued. The hallway fell silent. Bianca pointed at me in my wheelchair. "All night, she's been pushed aside for a hospital transfer, for a monitor, and even for blood. Now she needs an extra approval just to get a routine scan? How is that treating everyone equally?" Dad's expression turned grim. However, I was too weak to listen to them argue anymore. When Natalie first joined our family, our school held parent-teacher meetings on the same day. Mom went to Natalie's instead of mine. Mom told me, "You've always had me by your side. This is the first time Natalie's had someone there for her." Later, when we had competitions on the same day, Dad went to Natalie's, too. Dad said, "We've seen you win so many awards. This is the first time Natalie has had someone waiting for her in the audience." I never argued with them because they always hugged me afterward. They always said the same thing. "Winona, you're different." "You know we love you." So I had always believed that the one left waiting was the one they loved more. Today, I finally learned that even the one they loved most could be left waiting. Bianca found a second doctor to approve my scan, but Elijah returned just then. When he heard I had passed out, panic flashed across his face. He crouched in front of me. "Honey, why didn't you call me?" I stared at him for a long time. "I did." He froze. "When?" I didn't answer. When I had told him I was cold the day before, he had wheeled the monitor away. In the middle of the night, I had told him I was in pain. Instead, he told me not to hold it against Natalie. Before that, he had promised to stay by my side when I gave birth. I had called for him again and again. But every time, someone else had mattered more to Elijah. I grabbed his hand. "Don't think of me as your wife." "What?" Elijah asked in surprise. "Just pretend you've never met me before." I forced myself to speak as clearly as I could. "You're a doctor. If another new mother had been lying here like this today, would you have made her wait this long?" Elijah's hand went rigid. His lips moved, but he couldn't get any words out. Just then, someone came running over from the next room. "Dr. Colton, Natalie says her chest is bothering her again. Could you go check on her?" Elijah turned toward the voice without thinking. That one small movement was enough for me to slowly let go of his hand. He seemed to realize what he had done, and a look of shame crossed his face. "I'll do a quick check on her. I'll be right back." I didn't stop him. Ten minutes later, both doctors finally signed the form. The bedside ultrasound machine was finally wheeled over, but the backup power overloaded and the screen went black again. Bianca stared at the machine as it went dark, and tears rolled down her cheeks. On the other hand, I barely felt anything anymore. Maybe the pain had gone on for too long. After a while, my body stopped feeling it. Chapter 4 At eight p.m. that day, Natalie's final test results came back. Her heart ultrasound was normal, and her oxygen levels were fine. Her blood clotting showed no major problems, too. The doctor said she was just anxious after giving birth and was also anemic. All Natalie needed was some rest. Mom went over the test results three times before she finally smiled. "Thank goodness you're okay, Natalie. You scared me half to death." Natalie didn't smile. She kept glancing at my bed. "Mom, what about Winona? She still hasn't had her ultrasound, has she?" Mom followed her gaze. The maternity pad underneath me hadn't gotten wet again in quite some time. Mom came over and lifted the pad to check. She visibly relaxed. "The bleeding has stopped. What else is there to check?" Bianca spoke up at once. "Ms. Winona still doesn't look right, and her abdomen started swelling again this afternoon. I recommend…" Mom cut her off, sounding much more relaxed now. "She barely ate anything, and she's been lying in bed all day. Of course she doesn't feel well. Let her get some sleep first. Once the power supply is fully stable tomorrow morning, I'll examine her myself." Natalie still looked worried. "But Winona hasn't said much all day." Mom smiled. "She's just upset. Winona's always been like this. Whenever she feels she's been treated unfairly, she shuts everyone out. Don't take it personally." "Winona's nothing like that," Natalie argued. "I know you're looking out for her." Mom patted Natalie's hand, looking at her with unmistakable affection. Elijah finally had a moment to spare. He pulled up a chair and sat beside my bed. When he touched my hands, he frowned. "Why are your hands still so cold?" With that, he tucked my hands inside his jacket to warm them. "It's my fault today. Once the hospital gets back to normal, I'll take two weeks off and not worry about anyone else. I'll focus on taking care of you while you recover." I said nothing. Thinking I was still upset, he took out his phone and showed me a picture of our baby. "Look. Here's your son." On the screen, our tiny baby lay in an incubator with his eyes closed and his lips moving faintly. "The nurses say he looks like you, but I think he's got my nose. When they let him out, I'll bring him to you first, okay?" I struggled to keep my eyes open, but the baby on the screen grew blurrier and blurrier until all I could see was a white blur. Just then, Dad returned from downstairs. The public backlash over the power outage was under control. Reporters had included footage of Dad crossing my name off the transfer list the night before. The comments were full of praise for the hospital's refusal to give anyone special treatment. Dad was in a great mood and smiled as soon as he walked in. "Winona did me a huge favor today." Mom chided him. "Winona's been through so much already. Stop teasing her." "I'm serious." Dad came over and stroked my head. "Once you and Natalie are both discharged, I'll treat everyone to a celebration. The babies are around the same age, so we might as well celebrate their sip and see together." Natalie finally managed a small smile. "Winona will definitely say your plans are tacky." Elijah laughed along with her. "Winona already picked a place. It's the hotel by the river, and it's ridiculously expensive." "So what if it's expensive?" Dad waved a hand. "After everything Winona went through today, this is the least we can do for her." For once, the hospital room was filled with laughter and chatter. They started discussing whom to invite and what the babies should wear. They even discussed whether to take one set of baby photos in formal outfits and another in costumes. I lay among them, growing colder by the minute. My abdomen was swollen and growing tighter. Every breath felt as if something inside me were slowly tearing me apart. I wanted to call out to Mom. My lips moved, but my voice was too faint to be heard over their laughter. My phone lay beside my pillow. It took all my strength to reach it. I tried to unlock it with my fingerprint three times, but it wouldn't work. I had to enter the passcode slowly, one number at a time. I opened my chat with Mom. Our last conversation had been before I gave birth. She had asked if I was scared. I replied, "No. You'll be there with me." I stared at those words for a long time, then slowly typed another message. "Mom, I'm not angry with Natalie." My fingers were shaking so badly that I could barely hit the right keys. I deleted the message twice before finally finishing the next one. "My stomach really hurts. Can you please come and check on me one more time?" No one noticed me. Dad was laughing as he spoke. "When the babies are older, we have to take a new family portrait with both daughters and grandsons. We need everyone in it." Mom smiled and nodded. "Of course. We won't leave anyone out." My finger hovered over the send button. I was so close, but the phone slipped from my hand. The message remained unsent in the text box. I listened as they continued planning the family portrait. Then my vision slowly faded to black.