Ten Years of Marriage and A Regret

Focused on his phone, Sean couldn't be bothered to pay attention to what I was doing and just nonchalantly tried to make conversation. "Choose one for Phoebe as well. Also, buy a pink dress for her. Pink flatters little girls like her." I suddenly remembered that Amanda was in a pink dress when she cried in front of my house that day. "I don't know her size." I could hardly remember how long it had been since I last saw Phoebe. Back then, Sean urged me to quit my job and have a child. But after I gave birth to Phoebe, the Chambers family had taken her away when she was only one month old with an excuse that a daughter should be raised in luxury and shouldn't be influenced by my poor air. I could only see Phoebe at family dinners during the holidays. I was not even allowed the chance to hug the daughter I had given birth to after ten months of pregnancy and difficult labor. Sean said with a hint of displeasure in his tone, "Forget it, I'll let Amanda do it. Her taste is way better than yours. I hope Phoebe can be like her in the future." I was well aware that I was not in Amanda's league. Amanda was Sean's young and beautiful neighbor, the apple of her family's eye. She had been sent to Sean's company to relieve the boredom of her carefree life after graduating from college abroad. The Chambers family didn't allow me to visit them, but they always welcomed Amanda. Even in the family photo, Amanda was standing right next to Sean, carrying Phoebe in her arms on my behalf. I rubbed my red wrist and said, "You are right, so we should get divorced as soon as possible so as not to hinder your family reunion." "Are you done with your insanity?" Sean raged and threw his phone on the coffee table. "I've been good enough to you. Don't push me too far. Don't forget that you are nothing without me!" He finally spoke out his true feelings. For the past ten years, deep in Sean's heart, he felt he was out of my league the whole time. I felt a lot more relaxed at once. We finally didn't have to pretend in our life together anymore. "Yes, you are good to me..." I said calmly, "When my mother died, I called you but you didn't answer. You should have been watching a concert with Amanda at that time."

It was funny that my husband was a billionaire, but my mother had died because I couldn't afford the surgery. My parents had favored boys over girls. Soon after my father passed away, the five sisters in our family had all run away and had then lost contact with each other. I was the only one who would visited my mother occasionally after she fell ill. As Mrs. Chambers, I seemed carefree on the surface, but in truth, I had to ask for every penny I needed in advance. The day my mother suddenly fell into critical condition, I had called Sean countless times. The call was connected for only three seconds, and I hadn't heard Sean's voice but only deafening music. As a man in his thirties, he was too busy with work to accompany his wife to visit her dying mother yet he could have the energy to go to a concert with a young girl. Hearing what I said, Sean frowned. "Look at you now. You are no different from your mother." He returned to the bedroom impatiently, as if afraid that I would continue to pester him with this matter. If it were in the past, I would cook a plate of spaghetti as an apology whenever Sean ignored me though it was not my fault at all. Finishing the spaghetti was his implication that we could make peace. However, this time, Sean would only see an empty room instead of spaghetti after pushing open the door. The suitcase was right next to me, so I didn't even have to bother packing up my stuff and could directly go away in a car. The sparkling street lights outside the window flew behind me, just like our brilliant youth. Sean and I were each other's first love since we were still students. I had asked Sean why he was in love with me in the first place. His reply was, "Because you are different from others." Born wealthy and successful, he could get everything in the world without the least difficulty. I was the only exception. Ever since he failed a grade due to illness, I had always been ranked above him. He had also been overshadowed by me with the honors I had won. Sean had hence begun to pursue me like crazy. He had publicly professed his love to me at the commendation ceremony. After knowing my family was poor, he had persuaded the principal to set up a scholarship specially for me. He had influenced my life by osmosis. He was bold but always considerate. If that was all, I could still suppress the budding love in my heart with my senses. I hadn't let down my guard until when my mother gave birth to a son. I was the eldest with lots of younger sisters in this family in straitened circumstances. I had picked up a puppy outside but I hadn't dared to take it home, so I had secretly kept it in the woods nearby with Sean. However, my father had killed the puppy in my presence, skinned it, and stewed it to nourish my mother so that my little brother would have more breast milk to drink. I had cried my heart out, wanting to kill my father and myself with a knife. Sean had arrived in time and had taken me away after leaving a stack of cash, saving my future. That day, I had opened my armored heart to him, pouring out the grievances and difficulties I had been through for about 20 years. I had said to him that I would never have a dog again, for it was a pain that would haunt me my whole life. I had made up my mind that I would study hard and would allow myself to be at the mercy of others. Hearing my resolutions, Sean had held my hands gently but firmly. "I'll stand by you all the time." Unfortunately, he had broken the promise made at the age of eighteen by the time I was thirty. Sean had told Amanda my most embarrassing secret as a joke. The salvation I had thought turned out to be just another abyss.

The surrounding scenery became a little blurred in my vision perhaps because the lights were too bright. I closed my eyes in an attempt to stop thinking about the past, but it kept flooding into my mind. Sean and I had been in a relationship ever since that day. To gain recognition from Sean's family, I had given up my ideals and had applied for admission to a normal university. I had stubbornly refused all financial assistance from Sean and had earned my tuition fees by doing part-time jobs to prove that my love for him was pure without any other ulterior motives. Sean had also given up his life of luxury to live with me in a cramped rental apartment. That should have been our happiest time when I thought about it now. Life was free, busy, and full of hope at that time. I could see the one I loved by my side every morning I woke up. "Girl, why are you crying? You're alone so late at night. Did you have a fight with your partner?" the driver asked as he kept looking back at me in fear that I would do something stupid. "It's just that the wind hurts my eyes." I reached for the pillbox in my bag, only to find it was already empty. I endured the discomfort for a night and went to the hospital early the next morning. While waiting in line for the consultation, I saw Sean holding Amanda as they walked out of the gynecology department. "Did you secretly investigate my whereabouts?" Sean questioned with an unkind tone. I said after a glance at Amanda's abdomen, "Congratulations. For the sake of your future child, just sign the divorce agreement as soon as possible." Amanda bashfully gave Sean a gentle hit with a flushed face. "Alas, I told you not to accompany me to the hospital. Look, Shirley has misunderstood. I'm just having period pain. You shouldn't have been so nervous." "Shirley Dawson, you'd better not go too far." I couldn't be bothered to argue with him when it was time for my consultation at that moment. I was just about to leave when Sean grabbed my hand. "Psychology department? Shirley Dawson, what tricks are you trying to play?" Amanda covered her mouth and chuckled, "Sean, don't you understand? Shirley is jealous because you care about me too much. If I got it right, Shirley will soon say she suffers from depression." "You ran away from home and now pretend to be sick. Do you plan to put on a suicide act later?" Sean snapped as he shook off my hand. "You have learned your mother's threatening tricks so well." As expected of the man who had been together with me for ten years. All the worries I had confided to him when we were deeply in love became knives he used to stab my heart now.

"She's not feeling well. Keep her company." Maybe it was my calmness or his awareness that his words were too harsh, Sean softened his voice. "Are you really sick? Why don't you rest at home if you are sick? You are already a grown-up. Don't bother a little girl by fixating on such trivia." He constantly reminded me of my age. It seemed he had forgotten that he was also in his thirties and would not get younger by being with a young girl. I barged past Sean. With a little worried look, he seemed to want to follow me and ask about what was going on. But soon he nervously turned around to help Amanda the instant he heard her moan in pain. Ever since my mom passed away, I had been suffering from mild depression. It was not that I was too sad but that I had an inexplicable sense of loss. The doctor gave me some more advice after I got the medicine. I realized that I must make a clean break with Sean as soon as possible. I left the hospital for the law firm. It was not until I walked into this law firm that I remembered it was opened by Sean's friend, with whom we had even had dinner together. Attorney Shaw received me personally. When he knew my purpose of visit, he muttered, "You should have gotten a divorce long ago." One day, I was discussing the details of property division in the divorce with Attorney Shaw when I suddenly received a call from Sean. "How can you be so irresponsible? As Phoebe's mother, you don't even care when she is hurt." I was startled by Sean's cold and accusing tone. I hurriedly stuffed the documents into my bag and drove to the Chambers family's mansion. Before I could even enter the door, the butler sprayed me all over with disinfectant. I pushed him away impatiently and asked anxiously, "What happened to Phoebe?" "Do you not even know to change your shoes before you come in? You ill-bred woman!" Old Mrs. Chambers slammed down her cup with a thud. Amanda held Phoebe in her arms and chuckled, "Look at your mom's bad manners. Don't learn from her." I ignored their sarcasm and hurried over to Phoebe. However, Phoebe pushed me away with her little hand before I could touch her. She hid behind Amanda and looked at me with disgust. "You dirty lowly woman, stay away from me!" I endeavored to suppress my shock and grief, but my eyes couldn't help but turn misty.